Your name is JOHN EGBERT and you are 30 YEARS OLD.
You are no longer the TEENAGER that you used to be many years ago. Your dreams of being some sort of a DOCTOR were thrown away when you realized that you did not want to SPEND AN ASSLOAD OF TIME IN MEDICAL SCHOOL. Instead, you spent your FOUR YEARS at the local university and majored in BUSINESS. You landed a job at a well-known BANK and while it's not the most EXCITING work ever, you're happy with the way that things have played out. Unfortunately, you are still a bit of a NERD. You suppose that part of you could never disappear.
You still have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES and you still enjoy the actor known as NIC CAGE. You don't really program computers anymore after realizing that you wasted a lot of time by being NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You still have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and you still believe in MAGIC.
You live in an apartment in Seattle with your pet salamander named CASEY that you love very much. Your best friend is still DAVE STRIDER and you've gained numerous other friends during your time on tumblr.
Even though you stopped using Pesterchum ages ago, you can be found using the handle ectoBanker, and you speak like a normal adult would. However, you still like showing some emotion!! Old habits die hard.